day 36

Started the day by listening to mum’s latest podcast series. It’s so good. Grannie is SO funny in it, the best attitude I’ve ever heard to completely losing track of what you’re saying

Had breakfast, got changed, facetimed the my family, miss them today, a lot. There’s a bit of neg energy in the house, everyone’s having a bit of a dip (maybe it’s that isolation hell zone someone tweeted about), but feelings of being far away from home and with a hint of being trapped are definitely strong

Went for a walk with Phoebe, nice to see her. We figured out the Blueberry trails at last

Had some lunch when I got back, I biked to Chlo’s to distantly chill with her, Gracie and Fiona. She gave me some brand new vans that she didn’t want, love her. Gracie said she can help with curtains and pillow making, excellent news 

Got home, chilled, ate sushi, tried to do this, but got very frustrated. Bought the electric cooler and cooker thing for the van 

Beyond frustrated at this. I just want to throw my laptop away. Technical difficulties making me VERY FRUSTRATED. I HATE TECHNOLOGY WHY DOES IT KEEP CRASHING AND NOT LOADING PROPERLY 

WHY AM I SO IRRITABLE. I REALLY NEED TO DO SOME YOGA NOW 

Yoga helped a bit, long shower helped a bit too

Tired but so restless. You have a good week then a dip and that’s just how it is 

Whenever I’ve lived away from home, I go through waves of being real homesick. But this time I have to keep reminding myself this is the decision I made and at the time, it was for the best. I guess you can think pretty hard about big decisions but the reality of them can be tough. I’ve also been super lucky that the majority of my main gals and guys have stayed, ALSO it’s coming into summer and the nature surrounding us is still very very good for the soul 

I have listened to a lot of podcasts recently (as well as my mum’s, 100% recommend), which talk about the feelings of guilt people are experiencing about being worried, upset or disappointed with this situation.

Everyone’s been affected differently, some far worse than others. Whilst we may feel extremely lucky and grateful for our personal situations, Brené Brown says we have to acknowledge our feelings of despair and not squash them. Got to remember that it’s still probably the maddest thing that’s happened to any of us, and it’s ok to shit your pants about it every so often

(FYI this was a few days ago when I said this, all good now!!! Just needed to have a rethink on how to do this so it doesn’t become a chore/end up worrying too much what people think. That’s not why I’ve done it. A few days to recollect my perspective on things and I’m back)

(also link to my mum’s podcast: https://podfollow.com/discoveringdementia/view )