day 41

Pretty ming weather again, it makes me not want to interact with anyone today 

Had a chill breakfast, then hung out in our room to avoid the interaction. Watched a couple of Game of Thrones and I started making Gracie’s birthday present. Want to make a macrame weave thing. Found a bunch of cool material/beady things in the house, not sure how its going to turn out 

Isaac made us a sandwich for lunch, then we went for a drive to scope out some potential camping spots/get out of the house for a bit. We looked at the google maps and picked forest service road that had lil lakes near them and tried to get to them

Saw a bear on the side of the road (this was my Canadian dream once) and drove through the Sasquatch Territory to get to a lake that had a canoe the last time we were there. It had just rained and the forests looked so squishy and green. The canoe wasn’t there, I guess for obvious reasons, but it was still nice to be there

For some reason though, driving down the forest service roads made me quite anxious, the heart racing/sweaty palms/stomach in knots kind of anxious. I never want to hold anyone else back from doing the things they want to do because it makes me nervous, even if it is just exploring some forest service roads. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough, but it’s also really hard to ignore your ANS racing out of control. I think it might have been the not knowing where we were going, which I guess I could generalise to say that the unknown can make me feel anxious. But this is a good realisation I think, means I can work on it

Ordered ramen on the way home, can’t be arsed to cook. Felt like I needed to move my body, so cycled to Rainbow Park. It was just about to get dark, this is definitely my favourite time of the day. It’s so still and quiet and peaceful

Hid in our room all night, still don’t feel like interacting. I just need some time with my thoughts, silence is quite hard to come by at the moment